He said he would still be innocent. He lied.

In the months leading up to Darcy's birthday, we made the decision to get him a scooter. It only took a few years to convince me that he wouldn't launch himself head first over the minuscule front wheel and scrape his face beyond recognition. I had also witnessed with my own eyes that he was more than capable of scooting without causing harm.

So a scooter it was

A little background information. Adam works away in gas land. Anyone who knows Adam would realise how funny it is that he works in the gas industry when he, very unmanly like, has a serious (and I am deadly serious) problem with human gas. By that I mean he is quite unnaturally offended by farts. Bottom burps. He literally can't stand it which means two things. One: We have a no fart policy in this house. I don't fart in from of him (that he is aware of). He doesn't fart in front of me. No farts. Ever. And Two: He has essentially erected a giant fart target on his head when it comes to work colleagues who often 'accidentally' drop the bomb in his presence. 

There is so much wrong about a no fart policy, but believe me - it's another post entirely.

I digress. Adam works in the gas and oil industry and is away from home for periods of time. During his time at work he will often do night shift. Which means a lot of internet surfing free time to use when the plant is running smoothly. During this free time, Adam researched scooters. For weeks. 

He is very busy at work. Very busy.

After much research and comparing of notes with a colleague (who is also very busy) he sent me on a mission to our local toy store to buy a MGP Mad Gear Pro Scooter. When I arrived there, I realised there was a problem. There was a skull on the scooter.

Now, for whatever reason, skull and crossbones has become quite the in thing amongst boys as young as, well in utero. You will find them on just about anything. Clothes, toys, shoes, play equipment. EVERYTHING. And, I have avoided them like the plague. I just can't like them.

Can't like them. Tried. Can't. 

So I have avoided, convinced that by adorning the skull and crossbones logo, my son's very innocence will be sucked from his being and satan himself will breath the life back in. So avoided, I have.

So, in the toy store. I rang Adam.

Me: Adam, I'm standing in front of the scooter. It looks great! But there's a problem. It has a skull on it.

Adam: (silence)

Me: Hello?

Adam: er, is that a problem? 

Me: Well, I just don't like them. I've avoided them till now and, I don't know, Darcy is just so sweet and innocent and I feel like I'm ruining it by giving him a skull.

Adam: Don't worry dear (he may not have said dear), I'm sure one tiny little skull and cross bones logo on an otherwise plain black scooter won't ruin his innocence.

HA! I AM RIGHT! YOU ARE WRONG ADAM "urgh, don't let gas out your arse, so offensive".

Only this time, I kind of wish he was right. 

As of the unveiling of the skull and crossbones last sunday on Darcy's birthday. Innocence out, Demon in. Seriously.

We've gone from this face

To this face

and this...with the evil attitude to match

And Adam even received his first hate mail.

I always thought I would be the first to get hate mail. Luckily with the label there is no mistaking who it's for.

Now I am actually not trying to be funny. But is that the scariest bloody thing (and bloody could be quite literal) you have ever seen a seven year old do? Someone suggested therapy..but people it's me who needs the therapy. This has scared the gas out of me (sorry Adam).

I blame this:

Adam is quite sad and has even agreed with me that maybe it is the skull and crossbones and their subliminal hate message.

Whatever it is.

 Dear Jesus - please  can I have my bright shiny boy back. I miss him. Love me.

Dear Hormones and mother nature - boys don't menstruate, please stop sending PMS symptoms to my son. Thanks in advance, Rach.